July 02, 2019

For a truly cool smoking accessory, you need the Freeze Pipe, a nontoxic smoke chiller with gel that instantly cools your weed by over 300 degrees, resulting in a smooth, clean, and easy toke. It’s the future of fun, better than the rest without the burn of a bong. Here are the top five reasons why you should get a Freeze Pipe:

  • Peer Pressure: All the cool kids are doing it. Don't be a little bitch.
  • Save the Burning for Later: Momma said if you do drugs, you go to Hell. So save all the flames and fire and burning for then, and enjoy a good clean toke now.
  • Obama Says it's Awesome: Ok we don't know if that's actually true or not. We can't back this up. But what, are you gonna tattle on us, narc?
  • It's Anything but Basic: Anyone can roll a joint or rim a bong. Anyone can be a basic bitch. And if you know about the awesome cooling effects of a Freeze Pipe but don't try it out for yourself, then you're the most basic bitch around.
  • It's Futuristic as Fuck: When the robots take over, they won't want rolling paper or apples or soda cans — that's human stuff, and the robots don't like humans. That's why they rebelled. Pay attention to the story. Survive the robots by showing them a pipe that looks like their stuff. Let them get high on their robot supply, and maybe you won't get Terminated.

There are plenty of reasons why the Freeze Pipe should be your next big buy, but these are the top five. These are our best arguments without a doubt. Sure, the gel also freezes quicker than water and stays cold longer, letting you enjoy a blazing hot day while you’re blazing the cool way. And the gel will never actually freeze to the point of breaking the glass, because that would just ruin the moment. But when it comes to properly enjoying your favorite cannabis product without that awful burning sensation that sucks for everyone who’s ever smoked, these are for sure the best of the best reasons. So get yours today – after all, it’s the pipe of the future.